Jesus and Me

It has taken some serious reflection over the past day to come to this manifesto, and I must confess, the life I want to live is the life I am living right now. Over the last several years I have seen the coincidences and relationships I have established come into a clearer understanding. I believe these are moments of God's hand giving us a pat on the back, when you get those tingles talking with someone, a favorite song comes on you haven't heard in some time, or the moment just after ordering a delicious desert. I love the moments. Recently my relationship with God has been expedited. I always had religious curiosity. In my youth a friend of mine lived right behind a Baptist Church and we would crash their youth group meetings from time to time. I remember having and being elated, but I am not sure if that was God or because if we attended a certain amount of meetings we could attend an excursion to Cedar Point. I can remember feeling out of touch, perhaps unworthy or not good enough. My parents were divorced, and we were living with my Grandparents for some time. I can remember asking my Grandmother for a cross. I thought having a cross meant you were cool, and accepted. I still have that cross to this day, and the amazing thing about that gift is that I certainly have no idea how I didn't lose it throughout the 20 or so years of it being in my possession. The last time i "found" it was at the bottom of a basket of arbitrary cables, ipod cords, and what not. How easily I could have looked at that basket and threw the whole thing in the recycling bin, without thinking twice.

there are two distinct memories I have in High school related to God. First, I remember the first time I really prayed to him. I was probably 17, and was crashing a high school prom party of the year ahead of me with some friends. We had taken some drugs and were having the times of our lives. Suddenly, I wasn't feeling so hot, and wanted to step outside. The hosts of the party wouldn't have it, as they were the adults providing a safe place for their kids to have a few drinks and stay up all night. Being outside was all I needed, my safety to overcome this panic. Yet I was trapped. I contemplated going up to one of the adults and saying "Excuse me sir, but I am having a bad trip, and I really would just like to get some fresh air." And then I thought this dude would just call the cops, and I would be arrested. So that wasn't going to work. I laid on the floor, my blanket wrapped around my head praying to God to let me fall asleep and wake up feeling fine. I repeated this over and over. All of the sudden, I was awake, it was bright, breakfast was in the air, and I swore God had answered my prayer, or the drug ran its course and things were cool. I never did that again. The second thing I remember were the WWJD bracelets in high school. They were coveted equivalent then to the silly bandz of today. Everyone had to have one, sometimes people had several and would hand them out off their wrist when asked by someone. I wanted one so badly and can recall when one of the prettier girls in school mentioning she had some in her locker. "Holy shit, Megan is talking to me, AND she is gonnna give me a WWJD bracelet. I was so nervous to even be near her, but I received it without sweating all over the place. I wore that bracelet until I had to be removed due to my job as a dishwasher at Ferlitos. If you have ever washed dishes in a restaurant, you quickly learn cloth and hemp bracelets quickly become caked with everyone's else's trash.

If those memories were anything, I didn't do much with God until after college. I was reading books about religion and came across a very interested one titled "Losing Your Religion, Finding Your Faith" by Brett Hoover. In this book, Brett described many adolescents who grew up in religious households, finding difficulty to maintain their spiritual upbringing, some abandoning them, others converting to other interests. Then, there were those who never grew up in religious environments, simultaneously reaching for guidance, guided by curiosities. This was me. Where to start? How do I confront my insecurities about God? I didn't want to change. More over, I didn't want to become a "Jesus freak." When I was in my teens I went saw the band Tool. On the corner of the amphitheater there was a Priest, Minister, Jesus Freak, damning everyone who attended this concert to hell. I didn't want to be this idiot. I also feared for his safety, as it appeared he was offending many people. I knew I wanted God, I just didn't know when.

When I met my Wife, she had much more religious experiences than I. Her parents are divorced and remarried, and both families have strong ties to God. I still had some reservations about my becoming a Christian, and can recall one conversation early in our dating when Brittany had mentioned having God in her life and more importantly, her Children's. At the time I was apprehensive, I didn't know if I could agree with that. But coincidentally my curiosities, interests, fears were starting to become answered in our relationship and with family. I remember mentioning to Britt in one conversation my intense desire to know Christ, and that I feel closest to that feeling when seeing my favorite band, Phish. I have seen them 97 times.

In reflection I do not believe life is coincidence or chance. I believe it is God. Today, I am open. I am not there yet, but I am making my way. I just finished reading Matthew for the first time all the way through and I am thinking "man, Jesus is ticked." It made me realize that this isn't always going to be an easy process. Being religious and a Christian is not all hippy love and chocolate. I have to continue to read, reread, and investigate this purpose. I also have to take my perceptions into account. Is Jesus really ticked, or am I missing something? Is he really happy when he calls people "little of faith?"

I want to continue to live this life of investigation. Share my experiences with friends and family, welcome children under God, and stay invested with my Wife. I was only recently introduced to Donald Miller's writings and I think he and I are very similar and we would get along fantastically. If willing, I think I have the perfect woman for him who would shake his world in Chicago (if he is still currently single, willing to go on a blind date set up by a stranger). Anyway, I have been inspired by his reflections and struggles and think this seminar would take me to another level in my personal life with Jesus. I would also organize a Portland brewery crawl, because I believe Jesus really enjoyed a nice ale from time to time.

To learn more, visit www.donmilleris.com/conference

Living a Better Story Seminar from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.